Author: admin

How Divided Are We Today – Seen Through a “Schindler” Survivor’s Son

I couldn’t feel more certain the world today probably has never been more racially and culturally divided than since the Holocaust. If we just consider what immigration today has now become in America for a land that has been opening its arms to people of every country for over 200 years. Honestly what’s engraved on the bronze plaque inside the Statue of Liberty’s pedestal back in 1903 feels meaningless these days – Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” How much better can that be seen than the immigration bans by the Trump Administration to restrict, partially restrict or ban immigration to the United States from 39 countries. It also doesn’t account for the deportation operations of ICE that have broadened significantly from targets of undocumented immigrants to include workplace raids, street stops and sweeps of immigrant communities.

But the increasing divide I’ve watched has also systemically penetrated my own religion that I’ve had to watch. It’s often felt unconscionable, knowing that I was told growing up the Jewish people are unified and finally learning I was the son of a “Schindler’s List” survivor. A non-Jew, who was a Nazi that saved Jewish lives, including my mother’s during the Holocaust. He saw Jews as no different than anybody else.

What has happened probably not been more visible than the toll of racial / cultural divide amongst Jewish people. The deep contrast of feelings towards Israel as the Jewish homeland, the Gaza war and post-war settlement of the Palestinians in Gaza and Israel’s recognition of their racial sovereignty in the West Bank and Israel. The contention from both positions rests amidst unrelenting debate of the “two-state solution.

I was raised Orthodox by my mother, a “Schindler” Jew because that’s how she was raised as a child before her teenage life was transformed by the Holocaust. She only hoped to survive the darkest period in history that the world has ever known. I am no longer Orthodox, both my wife and I are conservative, but we probably lean more reform than many conservatives.

The background included for my religious observance is to let others see how Judaism has evolved within me. But despite my religious practices shifting over my lifetime, unity was never a question. Except today, from what I continue to see, it’s clear unity only exists for those on the same side of a position. It couldn’t be more different from what I remember growing up how Jewish people had always bonded. I guess that I can understand why I’ve never been more nervous, feeling certain that Judaism stands at a pivotal crossroads.

There have always been some differences, particularly for Jewish people’s views towards Israel as their homeland. Positions that are taken run the spectrum depending upon political ideologies, and often religious observance. But after the attack by Hamas of Israel on October 7th, I feel the divide in the Jewish religion has turned exponential. It’s nothing but shocking and heartbreaking to watch. The era we find ourselves in today is not what Ben Gurion in 1948 called for in the Declaration of Independence for the State of Israel to guarantee complete equality of social and political rights regardless of race, religion, creed or sex.

Maybe never more visible than presently, I see the Jewish religion dividing itself, with lines drawn in the sand that haven’t been deeper. Besides the contentious debate of the left and right from their positions towards the Gaza war and ethnic sovereignty in the West Bank, most recently what’s turned confrontational is the piercing escalation of divide over the Iran War. I feel the division these days has even become normalized, with each side feeling the need to be heard to voice the inhumanity of the other’s. But it seems that it’s only fulfilling even irreconcilable reconciliation, and reaching fanatical idealism.

On the one hand, the mere debate that Zionism could stand for antisemitism, if only considering how it was represented by Ben Gurion when Israel was being formed is nothing but frightening, absent any actual standing. There are also the conservative coalitions within the government of Israel, other right- wing movements in Israel, let alone the US and the rest of the world calling for unilateral Israeli sovereignty. Many also like the far left positions stand with unrelenting conviction to do whatever it takes to fulfill these intentions. But each side’s voice being much too polarized doesn’t bring us to unity but only moves us further apart. That potential only further leads to me feel the divide may never let us reconcile, at least enough to find a unified resolution.

I guess my only question is can we learn from how Oskar Schindler, who was penetrated by Nazi ideology and found humanity in the midst of the Holocaust to save my mother and over 1200 other Jewish lives. If nothing else, how can the scale of doing what he did even be measured, when many throughout Europe back then were indifferent to what was happening in a world that didn’t feel differently. Isn’t that the learning we need today, understanding that “what brings us together can overcome what pulls us apart?”

I didn’t learn my mother was a “Schindler” survivor until five years after she passed away. My father told me in synagogue on Yom Kippur day, 1993. The Rabbi’s Yom Kippur sermon was the story of “Schindler’ List” due to the film’s debut in the next six weeks. At the end of what the Rabbi said, my father who was sitting next to me told me six words I would never forget –

“Your mother was on that list.”

The memoir I’ve written – “In the Midst of Darkness” is what I know of my mother’s teenage life as a Schindler Jew that confronts generational trauma due to the Holocaust manifested in racial / cultural hatred. Her despise of my German stepmother and every other German was due to what she went through in the Holocaust. It included the loss of her family, four sisters and a brother, who were murdered in the gas chambers of the Auschwitz and Belzec extermination camps.

The hatred she felt couldn’t have done more to her, that become uncontrollable after my father left her for a German woman. She was seven months pregnant with me. We were living in one of the largest Jewish communities in Chicago, filled with Holocaust survivors. But my mother always reminded us growing up one of the most sacred values in the Jewish religion is “that we must never hate.” While the unrelenting irony is my brother and I learned how to hate Germans from my mother when we were only children. We never knew that her life and over 1200 other Jewish lives were saved by a Nazi German.

How can we not, as Jews and a world, especially seeing the divide today not want to act more like those amongst the righteous during the Holocaust – people like Oskar Schindler, Irena Sendler and Raoul Walberg – non-Jews who saved Jewish lives during a genocide? But Schindler, apart from the others needed to see inhumanity to return to humanity. As we’ve seen from each of them, they weren’t influenced by others who were convinced of what they heard being the truth. It’s our responsibility to act like they did that will help bring back the unity that I remember to the Jewish religion, let alone the rest of the world.

The Emotional Journey of Letting Go: Why Release is the First Step to Freedom

Letting go is often one of the hardest emotional journeys we can embark on. Whether it’s releasing the grip of past hurts, unhealed wounds, or long-held regrets, the act of letting go can feel overwhelming. Yet, it is also the first and most essential step toward finding freedom and inner peace. Holding on to negative emotions, old memories, or toxic situations may seem like a way to protect ourselves, but in reality, it only holds us back. By choosing to release what no longer serves us, we make room for healing, growth, and transformation.

The Struggle of Holding On

It’s natural to want to hold on to things that have impacted us, especially when those things bring us intense emotions. Whether it’s the lingering pain of a lost relationship or the weight of past trauma, holding on can feel like a way of keeping those experiences alive. However, what we don’t often realize is that holding on can keep us trapped in the past.

When we refuse to release our emotional baggage, we allow it to define us. This is especially true when it comes to resentment, guilt, or regret. These emotions can fester and shape our identities, making it harder for us to fully embrace the present moment and create the future we deserve. Letting go is not about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t matter; it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional weight that continues to hold you back.

The Power of Release: Why Letting Go is Essential

Letting go is a powerful tool for emotional freedom. Release is the act of allowing yourself to feel and process the emotions tied to an event or person, without letting those emotions control you. It’s about acknowledging the past, but choosing not to be defined by it. Release opens up the space for new opportunities, personal growth, and healthier relationships.

When we hold on to negative emotions, we trap ourselves in a cycle of suffering. Releasing these emotions allows us to break free from the grip of the past and create the emotional space needed for healing. It’s a step toward reclaiming our inner peace and taking control of our future.

Letting Go and Emotional Healing

The emotional journey of letting go is often painful, but it is an essential part of the healing process. When we decide to release something or someone, it can stir up feelings of grief, sadness, and even anger. These emotions are normal and part of the healing process.

Healing through release involves acknowledging the pain, feeling it fully, and then choosing to let it go. This doesn’t mean that you’ll forget the experience or the lesson it taught you, but you’ll stop allowing it to control your emotions and decisions. Emotional healing requires vulnerability and courage, but the reward is a renewed sense of freedom.

Why Letting Go Is the First Step to Freedom

Letting go is the foundation of personal freedom. It’s the first step in creating the life you desire because it frees you from the emotional shackles of the past. When we release what no longer serves us, whether it’s a toxic relationship, an old grievance, or outdated beliefs about ourselves, we make room for new, positive experiences.

Freedom comes when we stop holding on to what’s familiar, even if it’s painful, and step into the unknown with faith and hope. Letting go is not about surrendering to a helpless situation; it’s about choosing to trust that releasing what’s no longer working for us will bring better things into our lives.

Moving Forward: Embracing a New Beginning

Once you make the decision to let go, the next step is embracing what lies ahead. Releasing old emotions or situations clears the path for new beginnings. This process is not instantaneous, but with patience and self-compassion, you can start to feel the weight lift off your shoulders.

Start by giving yourself permission to release what no longer serves you. Surround yourself with people who support your journey of growth, and take time to nurture your emotional well-being. Practice mindfulness, self-love, and forgiveness, both for others and for yourself. The more you embrace the process of letting go, the more you’ll begin to feel the freedom that comes with it.

Conclusion: The Freedom of Letting Go

The emotional journey of letting go is difficult, but it is ultimately the path to true freedom. Release is the first step toward healing, personal growth, and living a life that is no longer dictated by the past. By letting go of what no longer serves you, you make room for new experiences, healthier relationships, and a more fulfilling future.

If you’re interested in exploring a powerful journey of emotional release and healing, check out In the Midst of Darkness by Robert Don. This deeply personal memoir, published in The Times of Israel Blogs, tells the story of how the author faced his own emotional struggles and the weight of inherited trauma. Don’s story of overcoming the past to find freedom and peace is a testament to the transformative power of letting go.

Get your copy and start your own journey today, release the emotional baggage, and embrace the freedom waiting for you on the other side.

Unraveling Family Secrets: How Hidden Trauma Shapes Our Identity

Have you ever felt like there’s something deeper in your family’s history that you’re just not being told? Family secrets can linger for generations, often hiding painful truths that, when left unaddressed, shape our identities and behaviors in ways we don’t fully understand. These hidden traumas can affect the way we see ourselves, our relationships, and our future. But uncovering and addressing these buried stories is the first step in healing and reclaiming our true selves.

The Power of Family Secrets

Family secrets often carry the weight of unspoken pain, trauma, and shame. These hidden truths are typically passed down without being discussed openly, either because they are too painful to confront or because family members fear the consequences of revealing them. From betrayal and abuse to loss and survival, these secrets shape our family dynamics, creating a web of silence that can keep emotional wounds festering for years.

The trauma associated with family secrets doesn’t just affect the individuals who lived through it; it can have a ripple effect across generations. Children often absorb the emotional fallout without fully understanding where it comes from, and as they grow older, they may start to feel the weight of something that isn’t quite right but can’t put their finger on.

The Role of Silence in Shaping Our Beliefs

One of the most insidious effects of family secrets is the way silence shapes our beliefs. When important aspects of a family’s history are kept hidden, it sends a message that certain things are too painful to discuss or too shameful to acknowledge. This silence can lead to the internalization of unhealthy beliefs, such as the idea that emotions should be suppressed, that vulnerability is a weakness, or that some experiences are not worth speaking about.

This silence doesn’t just affect our current relationships; it becomes a lens through which we view the world. We may find ourselves avoiding difficult emotions, pushing others away to protect ourselves, or feeling a sense of disconnection from those around us. The secrets we inherit don’t just stay within the confines of our families; they shape how we engage with society at large.

The Healing Journey: Uncovering and Confronting Family Secrets

The first step in healing from hidden trauma is uncovering and confronting the secrets that have shaped our lives. This can be an incredibly challenging process, as it often requires digging into painful memories and confronting uncomfortable truths. But acknowledging the trauma is essential for breaking the cycle of pain.

Family therapy, individual counseling, and even conversations with family members can help unravel the truth behind the secrets. By asking questions, sharing feelings, and opening up about the past, individuals can begin to piece together the fragmented history that has shaped their identity. While this process may bring up difficult emotions, it also provides the opportunity for healing, understanding, and growth.

Reclaiming Your Identity and Breaking Free

Once the secrets have been uncovered, the next step is to reclaim your identity. This means accepting that the trauma of the past does not define you, and that you have the power to rewrite your story. You can break free from the negative patterns that have been passed down and create healthier ways of thinking, feeling, and interacting with others.

Reclaiming your identity involves embracing your true self, free from the weight of hidden trauma and shame. It’s about acknowledging your past, but not letting it dictate your future. By processing the pain and letting go of the emotional baggage, you can create a new sense of self, one that is authentic, empowered, and resilient.

Conclusion: Embrace the Path to Healing

Unraveling family secrets is not easy, but it is a crucial step in healing from hidden trauma. By confronting the pain and understanding how it has shaped our identity, we can begin to break free from the cycles of fear and silence. Healing is a journey, but it’s a journey worth taking.

For a deeper exploration of how hidden trauma shapes our lives, check out In the Midst of Darkness by Robert Don. Throughout the book, Don explores how the unspoken pain of his mother’s past, including her deep-seated hatred toward Germans and unresolved grief, profoundly shaped his own sense of self. Her trauma was never fully discussed or acknowledged, leaving Robert to grow up with a skewed understanding of his identity and a complicated relationship with his family.

The book reveals how hidden family secrets, like his mother’s silence about her Holocaust experiences, can create emotional barriers, leading to confusion, resentment, and inherited patterns of suffering. As Don uncovers these hidden truths, he begins the difficult journey of understanding how these secrets shaped his life and struggles. His story underscores the

The Path to Healing Generational Trauma: Breaking the Cycle of Pain

Have you ever wondered why certain patterns seem to repeat in your family, no matter how hard you try to break free? From anxiety to unhealthy relationships, many of us unknowingly inherit emotional scars from previous generations. This is called generational trauma, a cycle of pain passed down from one generation to the next, often without us even realizing it. But here’s the good news: while generational trauma can deeply affect our lives, breaking the cycle is possible. It takes understanding, courage, and healing to stop the patterns of pain and start living more fulfilled, healthier lives.

Understanding Generational Trauma

Generational trauma is the emotional and psychological pain that gets handed down from one generation to another, often as a result of major traumatic events like war, abuse, or deep personal loss. For the children of Holocaust survivors, for example, this trauma may manifest as fear, distrust, or irrational hatred, feelings inherited from parents who never had the chance to fully process or heal from their own pain.

What makes generational trauma so complex is that it’s not always acknowledged or understood by those who carry it. Children may grow up in environments filled with unspoken pain, emotional volatility, and unprocessed grief. These experiences shape their behaviors and perceptions of the world, often without them knowing why they feel the way they do. Understanding that this trauma isn’t inherently their fault is a crucial first step in breaking the cycle.

The First Step: Acknowledging the Trauma

The journey to healing begins with acknowledging the trauma. It can be incredibly difficult to confront painful aspects of your past, especially when these memories have been buried or ignored for years. But healing can never begin in silence. By acknowledging the trauma, you’re giving yourself permission to break free from its grip.

In many families, the trauma is never openly discussed. It might be too painful for parents to share, or it may be an unspoken rule that certain things are just not talked about. Children grow up absorbing the emotions that surround them, but may never understand the root cause of their distress. Confronting this silence, whether through therapy, family conversations, or personal reflection, is vital for healing.

Professional Help: The Role of Therapy

Healing generational trauma often requires external help. Professional therapy can provide the tools and guidance necessary to unpack deep-seated emotions and patterns. Therapists specializing in trauma can help individuals and families understand how past experiences have shaped their present behavior and relationships. Through therapy, you can learn to confront your emotions in a safe, constructive way.

Family therapy can also be incredibly powerful. When multiple generations are involved, understanding each other’s pain and perspectives is essential. Family therapy creates a space where difficult conversations can occur, breaking the silence that often surrounds trauma. It allows for shared healing and fosters empathy, helping family members reconnect with each other in meaningful ways.

Creating New Patterns and Relationships

Once trauma is acknowledged and addressed, it’s time to rebuild. Breaking the cycle of generational trauma involves creating new patterns of behavior that foster healthier relationships, self-worth, and emotional resilience. This might involve learning to set boundaries, practicing healthy communication, and shifting negative thought patterns that have been inherited over time.

Building new, positive relationships starts with seeing yourself as capable of breaking free from the past. By recognizing that you are not bound by the pain of your ancestors, you begin to take ownership of your emotional well-being and create space for growth. As you heal, you’re able to approach relationships in a healthier, more balanced way, giving yourself the chance to live the life you truly deserve.

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

An important part of healing generational trauma is forgiveness, not just of others, but of yourself. Holding onto resentment or anger only keeps the trauma alive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning past behavior; it means freeing yourself from the emotional burden that keeps you trapped in the cycle. Letting go of pain allows you to move forward and break the cycle for future generations.

Forgiving yourself is just as important. It’s easy to fall into the trap of guilt or self-blame, especially when trying to change long-standing family patterns. But healing requires compassion not only for others but for yourself. Recognize that you are doing the best you can with what you have, and give yourself the grace to heal.

Conclusion: Embrace the Path to Healing

Healing generational trauma isn’t easy, but it is possible. With awareness, professional support, and a commitment to changing old patterns, you can break the cycle of pain and create a future where you and future generations are free from the grip of inherited trauma.

For a powerful look at how generational trauma shapes lives and how healing can begin, read In the Midst of Darkness by Robert Don. This deeply personal story, published in The Times of Israel Blogs, portrays the cycle of pain that Robert inherited from his mother; her unresolved trauma from the Holocaust deeply shaped his childhood and his relationship with her. Through his story, Don demonstrates the difficulty of confronting inherited pain, but also the profound healing that can occur when one recognizes and addresses the emotional weight of the past. The book is not just a reflection on trauma but a testament to the possibility of healing.

Get your copy and begin your own healing journey today. You don’t have to carry the weight of the past forever.

How Generational Trauma Shapes the Lives of Holocaust Survivors’ Children

Generational trauma is the passing down of emotional and psychological pain from one generation to the next. For the children of Holocaust survivors, this trauma is especially profound, shaping their lives in ways they may not even fully understand. As they inherit the scars of a dark history, their perceptions, behaviors, and relationships are influenced by their parents’ unspoken pain.

Here’s how this generational trauma manifests and impacts the lives of Holocaust survivors’ children

The Weight of Unspoken Pain

For many Holocaust survivors, talking about their traumatic experiences is incredibly difficult. This silence creates a heavy burden for their children, who grow up feeling the weight of their parents’ past without understanding it. Children often sense their parents’ emotional turmoil but don’t have the context to process it. This absence of communication leads to confusion, emotional disconnection, and a lack of closure, causing children to internalize their parents’ trauma and make it their own.

Many children of Holocaust survivors grow up in environments filled with unspoken grief, anger, and fear, without ever knowing the full extent of the suffering their parents experienced. This void can result in emotional struggles such as anxiety, depression, and a sense of being lost or ungrounded. The trauma isn’t just a memory; it shapes the very way they see the world.

Inherited Hatred and Biases

One of the more complex ways generational trauma shows up is through the inheritance of prejudice and hatred. Holocaust survivors often carry a deep resentment, particularly towards the perpetrators of the Holocaust, many of whom were Germans. While this hatred is rooted in their survival and the destruction they experienced, it can be passed down to their children, who may inherit not just the trauma but also their parents’ deeply ingrained biases.

Children of Holocaust survivors may struggle with irrational fears or hatred towards Germans or others their parents perceived as enemies. These feelings may be difficult to shake, even when they have no direct experience with the groups their parents despised. This inheritance of prejudice can affect relationships, personal identity, and the ability to see others as individuals, rather than through the lens of inherited trauma.

The Lasting Psychological Impact

The psychological toll of generational trauma is immense. Children of Holocaust survivors often carry the scars of their parents’ past in ways that affect their mental health. The symptoms of trauma, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, and fear of abandonment become ingrained in their psyche. These children may suffer from PTSD, depression, and anxiety, often without fully understanding why they feel the way they do.

For many, the trauma manifests in deep-seated fears, self-doubt, and a lack of self-worth. Therapy and self-reflection can help, but the journey of healing is long and difficult. Understanding the emotional baggage they’ve inherited from their parents is a crucial first step in breaking free from the cycle of pain and fear.

Finding Healing and Hope

While the effects of generational trauma can be crippling, there is hope. Many children of Holocaust survivors are finding ways to heal by confronting their past, understanding their parents’ pain, and breaking the cycle of trauma. By seeking therapy, sharing stories, and fostering understanding, these individuals can begin to let go of the inherited trauma and build healthier, more fulfilling lives.

In the Midst of Darkness by Robert Don, a powerful personal account, explores the impact of Holocaust trauma on the second generation. Published in The Times of Israel Blogs, Don’s story reveals the emotional toll of living with a mother whose hatred for all Germans, rooted in her Holocaust experiences, deeply affected him and his brother.

This moving narrative is not just about surviving the Holocaust; it’s about surviving the echoes of its trauma. The story offers insight into how generational trauma shapes lives and how, through awareness and healing, we can start to break free. Get your copy today!

The Shoah – How The Past Becomes The Present

There are no words that can ever explain the scale and gravity of what happened during the Shoah. My mother lost her parents, four sisters and a brother, who were murdered in the gas chambers of the Auschwitz and Belzec death camps. She was left alone by the time she was 16, living in the Krakow Ghetto and was deported to the Plaszow concentration camp in June 1942, before her 17^th birthday. The camp’s SS commander became Amon Goth by early 1943. He was known as the “Butcher of Plaszow.” How could anyone even begin to really understand what she went through, not to mention the magnitude of the atrocities inflicted on so many other Jewish and non-Jewish lives that survived and didn’t in the Holocaust.

My mother had been defined by her past, and probably many of the nearly 6.5 million survivors of the Holocaust. It’s the legacy of trauma for their memories of something that unconscionable that has never probably left their minds. How could it? Their past became the present.

My mother’s holocaust survivor trauma, even if some of it had been reconciled nearly 20 years after liberation had to be retriggered, probably even impacting her far more than during her past when her husband left her when she was pregnant for a German woman. We were living in one Chicago’s largest Jewish communities in the early 1960’s, filled with Holocaust survivors. But her underserved lifetime of hatred for my stepmother and every other German that my brother and I inherited never should have happened. How she penetrated him with hatred, even far more than me helped lead to his nervous breakdown. He was institutionalized before he reached 30. His fate also nearly became mine.

I’d mentioned how my mother’s trauma manifested to remember how the Shoah happened. The origin of the Holocaust was racist ideology – fundamental Nazi idealism. The hatred of others that were perceived as a threat to the Aryan race, especially Jews. Its effectiveness was executed in the manipulation of people’s minds – channeled through propaganda and conspiracy. It was seen as ethnic cleansing based upon nothing that was real.

My mother’s hatred for my German stepmother and every other German was also based only upon perceptions of who they were. But her beliefs rested upon nothing more than her own bias. They were shaped by what she’d gone through, not something that was being done to her. Still, how can I blame her for how she saw the world and probably many other survivors after what they’d been through in the Holocaust. I know how often it’s probably haunted them in so many ways. But even with every bit of compassion I’ve had for my mother and what every other survivor had gone through, the past for mother and for every survivor can’t be turned into the present. If nothing else, the consequences for me and unconscionably for my brother can’t be measured.

I guess remembering the Holocaust and the trauma of survivors, even far more nearing Yom HaShoah that probably often uncontrollably has been passed on to their children, subsequent generations and what future generations may need to bear is the plea for the world to see how the past continues in the present. I am not in any way implying the trauma of survivors actually could be ever be unconditionally reconciled. But we do have to learn from what happened in the Shoah to let only the truth be the truth. The Nazis illusion of reality being nothing more than the racist perceptions of people – namely Jews, but also the racial hatred of far too many other ethnicities and the marginalized, which penetrated throughout nearly everywhere in Germany, the rest of Europe, and within far too many others in every other part of the world.

But the unrelenting irony of my mother’s hatred for Germans and how my brother and I grew up, as told in my memoir, “In The Midst of Darkness” – her life and over 1200 other Jewish lives in during the Holocaust were saved by a Nazi German – Oskar Schindler. She never told me that she was a “Schindler’s List” survivor. On Yom Kippur day, October 1993, my rabbi’s sermon in synagogue was the story of “Schindler’s List.” The film would debut in the next six weeks. It had been five years after my mother passed away. At the end of the Rabbi’s speech, my father who was sitting next to me in synagogue leaned over and told me something that she never did. It was six words that I would never forget – “Your mother was on that list.”

In synagogue that day, 40% of the congregation were Holocaust survivors. Some I knew personally having lived in the neighborhood where the synagogue was located growing up. I can’t even imagine what they might have been feeling, hearing in their schul the first major story of the Holocaust that Steven Spielberg turned into a movie. Most importantly, it was a story of a Nazi German saving Jewish lives. A person who turned righteous when so few did, in history’s darkest era the world has ever known. Some of the survivors in synagogue that day might have been like my mother, who were traumatized and hated all Germans. But could hearing this story have changed anything for them? I have to believe it might have reconciled at least some of what they felt. How could it not?

The trauma of survivors does feel real and needs every bit of reach we have given them to share their stories, more often probably being part of the healing process. But as I’ve told, it doesn’t only impact them. Too often, it also shapes their descendants. The numbers are staggering: 10 to 15 million people, if not more may be living with the legacy of this trauma, yet it’s often unspoken. Of which, 7-8 million direct descendants of survivors are Jewish and may be impacted by generational trauma. That is approximately 50% of the world’s Jewish population. Their stories also need to be heard to the same reach I feel that we’ve given survivors. If they’re not, how can they change the behavior they need to confront. The silence may continue to leave them without enough awareness needed to really let them reconcile their trauma.

As the survivor population has abated over the past 25 years, the stories of descendants of survivors become even more desperately needed to be told. The Shoah Foundation that Steven Spielberg founded in 1994, being his vision for “Schindler’s List” and its right of passage for survivors to tell what happened to them in the Holocaust would have meant everything to my mother. If she would have been able to share what she endured and lost, it may have helped prevent some of her trauma that my brother and I inherited. That type of voice is also needed for the descendants of survivors, especially understanding the scale of how many are potentially being impacted by generational trauma due to the Holocaust.

Intergenerational Trauma – The Hidden Voices After The Holocaust

There has been so much shared of survivors’ accounts of the atrocities they lived through in the Holocaust, but not nearly enough of the trauma they’ve passed onto their children, their children’s children, and what future generations may have to bear. If we only consider the approximately 11 million victims who were murdered in the Holocaust, there must be at least that many survivors of family members/relatives, who probably have been inflicted with survivor trauma. That also doesn’t consider that many descendants of survivors may live with generational trauma.

Psychological research has found that survivor trauma for those who survived a time as catastrophic as the Holocaust has been passed on genetically to their descendants, and lets us see what future generations may need to confront.

You may read more about Intergeneration Trauma and the Holocaust in the full article here.

My Overbearing Mother and I (Robert Don) – Was It All The Right Love

I was raised with overbearing affection by my mother, so that I felt growing up no one could have loved me more. She was always there for me, coming to my ballgames, walking me to school, when I was bullied for being a fat little kid, often with kids in my class, and even came with her to adult social functions in synagogues or events with organizations for Holocaust survivors. I even slept in her bed, often afraid to sleep alone until I was 11 or 12. But was it really what I had needed –smothering affection that forced me to question for years, and even today, I am often not convinced that I have been able to stand on my own.

The overbearing affection of my mother, I felt later in life, only left me far more enabled than was healthy. Growing up, I always considered myself very lazy, both physically and mentally. I never exercised much, didn’t study hard, and worked part-time for my father delivering cars for his auto wholesale business – dropping cars off from one used car lot or car dealership to another. It was just a mindless, cush job. I blamed my mother for how I perceived myself as being incredibly lethargic. She never encouraged me to study, or work hard, or aspire to my own independence, really not have to think with my own mind. It was just growing up being raised that dependent upon her, so I would never leave her. That was in exchange for my lens of her darkness for my stepmother and father being hers.

I left home when I was eighteen, but I didn’t have another choice. It was for my own survival, realizing that I couldn’t live with my mother anymore, because of what traumatized her spiraling after the Holocaust, and the overbearing affection that I felt if it still continued, that I’d never be able to take care of myself. I was leaving home to save for my life, knowing that it might take with her. But, Unrelenting guilt followed me for leaving my mother in her condition, and sometimes, feeling how much she protected me growing up, instead of really seeing that what she was doing was more for her than for me.

I also was certain that I betrayed my mother when I left, when I began to develop a relationship with her bitter enemy of a lifetime– my German stepmother. The guilt never left me until something happened, standing next to my stepmother, visiting my mother lying in bed, five weeks before she died. When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my stepmother put aside over two decades of hatred between them and became her primary caretaker. The childhood trauma that never left me growing up, finally changed after something my mother did, which let me finally absolve the guilt that I couldn’t move past when I left home.

It’s pretty well known for Holocaust survivors that overprotection of their children is common, hearing the stories of how the Nazi’s separated families, murdered children, and any others who couldn’t work before everyone else. But I would never forget that her overprotection was also that she didn’t want me to leave her. How could she be alone after the loss of a large family in the Holocaust, and later in life, a husband whom she probably loved too much? What that must have done to her, probably knowing not long after they were married, that he never loved her. I wish that I had never blamed my mother as much as I did for how often, as I grew up, I felt that her affection ruined me, unquestionably more than saved me. After everything she went through, I’m not certain anyone would have been able to act any differently.

Why Did I Become A Writer – The Story I Needed To Tell

I decided to change careers from my professional background in corporate banking, senior within risk management, to becoming a writer when I was laid off from my position with PNC Bank in late 2021. The voice inside me had grown too much and couldn’t be silent any longer. I had to write about the unconscionable injustices that I saw with racial bias in our own government, and after the Hamas attack on October 7th, over the Gaza border into Israel.

The racial inequality of our perceptions and antisemitism that has been polarizing the world more than I’ve ever remembered, and hasn’t been more prevalent than since the Holocaust. I felt that what better way to let people see how dangerous segregation is for our lives than to be the themes of a memoir for my mother’s life, who was a “Schindler’s List” survivor who confronted generational trauma manifested in racism. My brother and I inherited my mother’s trauma of the undeserved lifetime of hatred for my German stepmother and every other German.

If I could tell a story of my mother’s life being saved by Oskar Schindler – a Nazi German and the irony of how her children grew up, that might change how we look at people differently than ourselves, based on nothing more than our own bias. The research I conducted in both the Auschwitz and Plaszów concentration camps, where my mother was deported, helped me reach the intellectual capacity I needed to be well-versed in the details of this time period. I was convinced that I had to write this story, but also continue writing. My voice needed to be heard, and no one could take that away from me. How could anyone not feel the priceless wealth of the unforgettable moment when someone tells you, by what you’ve shared, they see the relevance of your experience for their own lives, especially if they feel a part of you living your story.

After what I saw in the concentration camps in what my mother had to have lived through –dehumanized for what another human can do to another, while there alive and when they were dead, there was an unrelenting conviction to articulate where racial bias can lead and its penetration throughout the world over the Holocaust based on nothing more than conspiracy. While I could tell the story of Schindler, who was a member of the Nazi party, being the movement for the racist ideology that saw Jews only as parasitic vermin that must be exterminated on an unprecedented scale. The guilty who bore responsibility for the Holocaust. But after Schindler finally actually had seen the atrocities that were being inflicted on Jews in the ghettos and the camps, he saved my mother and many other unforgettable Jewish lives, who were not certain of their fate, which inevitably meant death. If nothing else, writing could let me tell everything I felt inside of how the road for inhumanity reached a penetration not even conscionable that led Schindler to find humanity when there were very few that did in a world that didn’t feel differently.

Writing has also left me the rite of passage – the cathartic outlet that I never needed as much as I felt that I did. It‘s let me find a release for the trauma my brother and I inherited, being the victims of everything my mother went through in the Holocaust, and when my father left her. There was no way she could ever see what it had done to her and had inflicted on her children. The voice that I never was able to share before has let me legitimize the pain. But more than anything, it is my insatiable ambition to share the weight of the losses from what happened to our family. Hopefully, it’s learning that will stay with others to not let what we couldn’t help happen to them.

Finally, writing is not only an expression that lets your voice be heard, but it also shows there is unquestionable hope when you feel no one else will listen. It’s been that hard to understand, and honestly heartbreaking, when that many synagogues and sanctuaries for Holocaust remembrance have not been receptive to a story of a Schindler Jew that confronts generational trauma manifested in racism. But what you write can let you feel that you can reach everyone with what you have to tell them. How much do you remember the unforgettable emotion of finding real certainty that many others understand your story and everything it hopefully opens for what it means in their own lives.

Kristallnacht – Through the Eyes of a Schindler Survivor’s Son

Featured on the Times of Israel Blog

On the night of November 9-10, 1938, Nazi German leaders unleashed a nationwide

antisemitic riot. This week marked 87 years after this unconscionable event. The violence was supposed to appear as an unplanned outburst of popular anger against Jews. But in reality, it was state-sponsored terror of Jews manifested in vandalism and fear. The riot came to be known as Kristallnacht – “The Night of Broken Glass” or “The November Pogrom.” The widespread terror throughout the country was seen in 1400 synagogues that were burned by the Nazis – religious objects that were desecrated. There was also vandalism of thousands of Jewish-owned businesses, and the Nazis had broken into countless Jewish homes. During Kristallnacht, the German police imprisoned about 26,000 Jewish men only because they were Jewish and deported them to concentration camps.

What led up to Kristallnacht was the increasingly restrictive and violent anti-Jewish measures in 1938 under the reign of Adolf Hitler. They were undertaken to drive Jews out of Germany. During October 27 – 29th of that year, the Nazis deported more than 17,000 Jewish people – targeting Jews with Polish citizenship and passports in Germany. It was the first mass deportation of Jews from the country. It included the Grynszpan family. The parents and two of the Grynszpan’s children had been deported from Hanover to Zbaszyn in Poland. The family had a 17-year old son – living in Paris at the time. After learning what happened to his family, he went to the German Embassy in Paris. On the morning of November 7th, he shot and killed a German diplomat – Ernst vom Rath. Apparently, the murder was due to the son’s rage for the deportation of his family from Germany and other Jews with Polish citizenship.

Nazi leadership decided to use the murder as a long-anticipated excuse to undertake a national anti-wide Jewish riot. Beginning on November 7th, Propaganda Minister for the Nazis, Joseph Goebbels, coordinated the Jewish violence and exploited the murder as part of a world Jewish conspiracy. The Nazi leadership cynically claimed that the pogrom was not organized in any way, and that the Jews themselves had provoked the righteous anger of the German people.

Kristallnacht was the impetus for the Holocaust manifested in hatred and executed with racial desecration – in short, dehumanization. It’s origin rested in fundamental Nazi idealism – the hatred of others that were perceived as a threat to the Aryan race, especially Jews. Its effectiveness was executed in the manipulation of people’s minds – channeled through propaganda and conspiracy. It was seen as ethnic cleansing based upon nothing that was real.

“The Night of Broken Glass” wasn’t due to revenge, or any form of justice for the vom Rath Murder. It was nothing but unconscionable conspiracy. The German nation had been told by the Nazis they must hold a religion, race, and culture accountable for the actions of one.

But Oskar Schindler, who saved my mother’s life and an immeasurable number of other Jewish lives in the Holocaust, finally differentiated himself from Nazi ideology. They saw Jews as only parasitic vermin that must be exterminated on an unprecedented scale. Schindler finally stood apart from the antisemitism that penetrated throughout Germany, the rest of Europe, and far too many others in every other part of the world.

My mother actually never told me she was a “Schindler” Jew until my father had told me that on Yom Kippur day, 1993, while in synagogue. It was five years after she’d passed away. The Rabbi’s sermon for Yom Kippur was the story of “Schindler’s List” due to the film being released in the coming weeks. Her trauma due to the Holocaust that manifested in hatred for Germans is why I felt that she never said to me or my brother that she was a “Schindler” survivor. The story is being told in my debut book, In the Midst of Darkness, coming soon.

Initially, Schindler, as a member of the Nazi party – and its conviction to fascism -exploited Jews. Firstly, he confiscated the Emalia factory in Plaszow Poland from three Jewish owners in 1939. Nazi decrees no longer would let Jews own property. He also employed Jews due to being cheap labor, while knowing they were in a concentration camp, with barely enough food to survive. But after he’d finally seen the atrocities that were being inflicted upon Jews in the Krakow Ghetto and the Plaszow concentration camp, he saved Jewish lives to a reach that was unforgettable. They were probably never more certain of their fate inevitably being death. Schindler found humanity when there were very few that did in a world that didn’t feel differently.

The story of Oskar Schindler has been told along with the memory of Kristallnacht for us to see “That what brings us together can overcome what pulls us apart.” The Night of Broken Glass that turned into the darkest chapter in the world’s history was based on nothing that was true, but Schindler eventually recognized that delusional reality after he’d seen the immeasurable carnage of the Holocaust, which infected a world. The learning by how we can’t forget what he did can’t be more pivotal since that time than now. He was a Nazi that risked his life and everything he had to save every Jewish life he could. The Jews were the race that the Nazi party convinced a nation and too many others everywhere else in the world, who were the enemies.

How can we not, as a world, especially seeing the divide today, not want to act more like those amongst the righteous during the Holocaust – people like Oskar Schindler, Irena Sendler, and Raoul Walberg – non-Jews who saved Jews from a genocide? But Schindler, apart from the others needed to see inhumanity to come back to humanity. As we’ve seen from each of them, they weren’t influenced by others who were convinced of what they heard being the truth. It’s our responsibility to act like they did that will let us prevent another genocide like the Holocaust from ever happening again.